everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize