my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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