Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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