You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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