Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
