Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
