If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
