I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
