did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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