Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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