my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
