Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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