don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
