My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So squirting runs in the family.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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