im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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