It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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