6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
