I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
