Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
