i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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