Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize