Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
me + whiskey = a bad person
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
