There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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