For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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