Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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