i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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