Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
