I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
