They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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