we have pet lesbian snakes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
