u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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