I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish I only lived at night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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