You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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