Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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