so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
