Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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