...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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