Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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