and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
