He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
