Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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