i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
