I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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