if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there was a trapeze. enough said
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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