My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
