dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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