its not stalking. its research.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
