I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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