i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
