just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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