dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
