so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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