well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
