My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
