Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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