there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
