Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
