it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
