So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
organizing the empties. That sober.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
