dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
