How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
