So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
vagina is talking i cant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My bed smells like the plague
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
