I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
