So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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