Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
