something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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