i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
