Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
