im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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