Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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