so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're a waste of cheezeits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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