You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
