I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
