we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
