Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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