I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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