I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
